Being Independent Can Be Lonely, And That’s Okay

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Being Independent Can Be Lonely, And That’s Okay

Loneliness. Independence. Is it possible to have both at the same time? This is something I’ve been considering for quite some time. I spend the majority of my time with other people. My work colleagues, with strangers on my commutes, or with my loved ones at weekend. I get very little time to myself, so when I do get that sliver, I enjoy it. Whether that be a half hour before bed, or ten minutes on a weekend morning when I routinely wake up early. With the events that came at the end of 2016, I became fiercely independent. I like my own company, and I’m comfortable in it. It’s other people that can make it a lonely place, which I’ll try my best to explain in this post.

It’s healthy for everyone to spend time alone, in order to learn to like your own company. It also prevents a fear of being alone, and a dependence on others. I’ll openly admit, I put my headphones in on public transport and before appointments to avoid small talk. I spend lunch breaks alone, usually to make as much time for blog work as possible. Embracing your own company is pretty crucial. At the end of the day, you’re all you’ve got, so you might as well like it. Right?

I like being independent, and I like being alone at times. What affects this is when other people make you feel alone, despite it being your choice. What inspired me to write this post? Being surrounded by people, ironically enough. They made plans, and despite being present, they excluded me. This was a first world problem and it wasn’t a big deal. It’s not like they’re my best friends, I shouldn’t have felt hurt. But I did. I like my own company, but I’m not defined by this. They excluded me completely and discussed it numerous times while I was there, and that felt shit. They made me feel like me and my company weren’t important, and it was an awful feeling. If a situation like this happens to you, allow yourself to feel what you do. Because it’s pretty damn justified.

I didn’t write this post to moan about how crap people can be. As true as that may be, it’s simply an observation of how it’s possible to be independent, and still feel lonely simultaneously. And how that’s a totally normal and natural feeling to have. I think the key to trying to not let it get to you, is simply to focus on what YOU’RE doing. How you’re improving things and being a good person. If someone else chooses to be a shitty person, it reflects on them and them alone. If you’re interested, I have written posts on friendship and relationships and making your life yours that might prove helpful. I’ve never been ashamed of being independent, and I’m not going to start now.

As an independent person, have you ever felt lonely? How did you deal with it?

You may also like: A Note On Making Your Life Yours and Friendships and Relationships – If You’re Not Happy, Don’t Settle

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3 Comments

  1. April 18, 2017 / 2:32 PM

    I really enjoyed reading this, you look stunning too by the way! I would love to keep in touch, it is always lovely to make new blogger friends! x

    adelelydia.blogspot.com

  2. Trudy-Ann
    August 2, 2018 / 5:08 AM

    I’m so glad I’m not the only one feeling this way. It sucks! But I have to admit that I’m my own worst enemy. This article resonates with me https://www.theodysseyonline.com/signs-youre-an-independent-person.

    On the one hand I’m proud to be independent. But on the other hand, like you, I do sometimes need friends. Why do they exclude us in their plans? Is there something wrong with me? Why am I so different? I keep asking these questions. And you know what the sad truth is? I think if I do get included in their plans, it’s quite possible that I might find the loss of my independence & the requisite time I need to invest in their plan too high a price to pay. Ironic isn’t it? At the end of the day though, I know it’s better to be independent but sometimes…..

    Anyway, how do I deal with it? Well, I find blogs like yours 🙂 I tell myself to be thankful for what I DO have & to grow a pair. I’m better than this! So get out there, find new interests. I also draw strength from the knowledge that there are people who love me 🙂 And who believe I can do anything even if I sometimes don’t believe it myself

    • rockettequeen
      Author
      August 3, 2018 / 12:29 PM

      This is the loveliest comment. Despite feeling like you do about the whole thing and wishing that we didn’t feel like this, in a way I’m glad that someone understands and relates. Thank you so much for your insight <3

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