Self-Worth Will Never Be Defined By How Others Treat You


Your Self-Worth Will Never Be Defined By How Others Treat You

I learned a very valuable lesson recently. I learned that while you might always have respect for someone, they may not return that sentiment. Recently, I witnessed someone who was once one of the closest people to me slandering me online for the entire internet to see. Furthermore, with a completely irrelevant person who has never met me and knows nothing about me.

While it stung for a moment, I realised that it doesn’t reflect on me at all. Hurt people hurt people, I’ve seen this time and time again, and it always rings true. Sad people resent those who are happy, and will try their best to bring them down to their level. I wasn’t even going to comment on this situation, as it doesn’t deserve the shred of attention that these people so desperately crave. But the silver lining of inspiration was more than enough of a reason to write a post evolving from it.

How someone treats you will never define your self-worth. The only person who can truly do that is you. People place a lot of importance on what other people think of them. It’s hard not to. It’s a societal norm at this stage, bred into us. With everything from magazines to social media, the expectation of perfection is everywhere. It’s important to step away from this normalisation, in order to decide how things are for ourselves.

Self-worth will always stem from you.

Self-worth is always going to stem from you, and you alone. Other people will never gain the right to define your worth. The mistake I made in the past was allowing someone to do that. Looking back, I now know that I was worth a lot more than what they were ever willing to give. But this isn’t about them. It’s about me, and you if you happen to be struggling with something like this. You define your own self-worth in how you think and what you do.

I’m lucky enough to have wonderful people around me, who treat me with the utmost respect and loyalty. I also consider myself lucky to have escaped from those who don’t. I’ve had those who were once closest to me treat me like dirt, and like I was worth nothing. I was able to see past that because I establish my own self-worth, which no-one can ever take from me.

I’m confident and believe in myself enough to know that I’m worth so much more than the shitty treatment I’ve encountered, as well as the people who dealt it to me. That’s the difference between knowing your worth, and not. A year ago, I was in a very different place. Things were bad, and my self-esteem was at an all-time low. I’m grateful to have broken free from that place, as things are so much better now. Especially when you do them for yourself. As a wise band once wrote, “The truth never set me free, so I did it myself.”

Drop the illusion of perfection.

On the other hand, perfection will never be a reality, so don’t beat yourself up if you don’t reach it. If you’ve done your best, that will always be enough. We’re all our own worst critics, and you just have to say no to that. Easier said than done, I know. But if we don’t stop the cycle, things won’t change and improve. There will never be another you on this planet. That’s an incredible sentiment to think about. It’s worth embracing that to the very best of your ability, because we only have once chance to do that.

You’re worth so much more than the people around you decide. It’s not their decision to make, and it never will be. It’s all down to you. That might prove difficult for some people to believe, but hear this. No matter what anyone says, you’re so incredibly capable, and you can do anything you set your mind to. As Erika Fox of Retro Flame says, “Think of it as A to B, rather than A to Z.” Anything is do-able when broken down into small steps. That includes establishing your own self-worth when those around you have made it non-existent. I can absolutely promise you that.

Things you can do to improve your own self-worth and confidence:

– Express yourself without hesitation: a major one that I find really freeing. Doing something without regard for what other people think is an incredible feeling. I dye my hair fiery red, wear monochrome clothes and do super grunge-y make-up. That’s nothing major, but it’s not everyone’s cup of tea. But the beauty about it is, I don’t care. I put what I want first, after not doing so for the longest time. Because I have enough self-worth to know that that’s an okay thing to do.

– Do what’s right for you. Put yourself first, and do what makes you happy. Make yourself a priority. If you’re always putting other people first, you’re never going to be happy. You’re important too, and at times, you and your needs and wants come first.

– Self-appreciate. Take a few moments out of your day to think about the things that you like about yourself. If there aren’t many, decide. Grow the list. Everyone only gets one life, and the deserve to actually like themselves over the course of it. It’s a practice, but it’s possible.

– Fight perfectionism. It’s an impossible feat, and your best efforts will always be good enough. We can always strive for better going forward, but there’s no need for criticism if things aren’t perfect. At the end of the day, perfection is merely an illusion.

– Be good to other people. I think people get back what they send out into the world. Good vibes bring good vibes, and the reverse. Being a good person attracts good people, etc. I’d rather be a good person than a bad person anyway, wouldn’t you?

Sweater – New Look | Check Trousers – Penneys/Primark | Patent Brogues – Penneys/Primark | Necklace – eBay

You may also like: A Note On Making Your Life Yours and Being Independent Can Be Lonely, And That’s Okay

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1 Comment

  1. July 5, 2017 / 4:05 PM

    It really sucks that someone would do that to you, and I’m genuinely sorry you had to deal with it. I always get completely drawn in to assessing my self worth based on what others’ think. If I’m with someone that I know is overly critical, then I always feel extra self-conscious, and I need to start fighting it.

    Steph –

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