Flaws: A Diary-Style Contemplation
I have a lot of flaws.
A bump on the bridge of my nose, my knees knock when I walk, and my eyebrows sit far too low on my face. So I always try to raise them in photos and in real life. Think chronic bitch face times a billion. I’ve come to terms with these flaws (maybe not the eyebrow one, but we’ll let that one slide), because there are much more important things in life than worrying about physical attributes. And any flaw that I have won’t matter to those who love me. That’s an important factor to consider when reading this post, as well as for me as I write it.
“If you have flaws, my dear, don’t hide them; for those who truly love you will see beauty in them, simply because, they are part of you.”
I have personality flaws, too. I’m awful in large groups, and struggle to start and maintain conversations. I’m petrified of silly things, like moths, and vomit. And, I invest too much time in relationships that are completely one-sided. I never viewed this as a flaw before. I always thought and believed that what you put into something, you’d get back in return. Twice, I’ve been proven wrong with this, and twice, I’ve been burned badly because of it, which I’ve talked about in a previous post from last year.
“There are enough cruel people in the world, I don’t need to become one of them because of the things I can’t control or change.”
Instances like these have affected me in ways that I can’t even begin to articulate. And believe me, I’ve tried. I haven’t felt more hurt by anything in my life. Nothing speaks to you more than someone you cherish dropping out of your life without a shred of closure or explanation. And here’s where I unveil one of my biggest flaws: when this happens, I blame myself. Even when I tried my hardest, when I gave it my all, when it wasn’t my fault. In my head, it’s still my fault. Because how couldn’t it be?
“I can’t keep allowing the hurtful experiences with those I encounter to determine my worth overall.”
This mentality and lack of self-belief, it needs to stop. There are enough cruel people in the world, I don’t need to become one of them because of the things I can’t control or change. For my own happiness and well-being, it has to end. I’ve spoken about self-worth in a previous post, and how other people don’t and shouldn’t define it. Flaws or not, the only person to define your self-worth is you. This is something that I desperately need to remind myself of. I can’t keep allowing the hurtful experiences with those I encounter to determine my worth overall. I deserve better. I’m worthy of love, and friendship, and like-minded people that I can truly rely on. I’m worth more. And I need to believe this and put the mentality into practice, starting now.
How do you conquer your flaws? What can we do to make the process easier?