What I Learned After My Long-Term Relationship Ended
I feel like I bring a lot of personal topics to the table on this blog. I post about what I want, and don’t really have a filter when discussing. This is something that I thought I’d never speak about, as I didn’t think anything good would come of it. It’s been almost a year since my long-term relationship ended. Last year, I posted an update detailing on it. Today’s post details on what I’ve learned from it, and how my life has improved as a result.
One person isn’t the be all and end all
Letting one person be your entire universe is a dangerous card to play. Because what happens if it all goes wrong? You’re left with nothing, and no-one. This was technically the case for me, as I moved to my ex’s hometown and didn’t have any friends who lived there, apart from my work crew at the time. It was quite isolating and lonely, so I was pretty dependent. Upon moving home to my incredible family and network of friends, I knew that there was so much more to my life than this single element. I also learned never to let this be the case again: yes, relationships are wonderful. But so is balance in one’s life and surroundings, which I thoroughly recommend. And if all else fails, you were fine before them, and you’ll be fine after, too.
You learn a lot about yourself
When you’re no longer completely wrapped up in a relationship, you learn about you and what you like, singular. Not as a package deal as you may have seen yourself for several years at a time. At the time, I had started a new job, ended my long-term relationship and moved house, all at the same time. This taught me how strong I really am, as I never would’ve believed that I was capable of dealing with all of that until I faced it head on.
I feel like I thrived because of it, my new-found attitude and appreciation have resulted in so much good coming my way. I got promoted at work, I’m halfway to getting my driving license, and I’ve come so much further with my blog than I ever thought I would. I’ve learned that there’s a lot more to me than there was back then, when I felt like I was at my worst. And that’s worth absolutely everything.
In some cases, you’re better off without them
I really didn’t think this would be the case, but I surprised myself. How okay I was feeling about a week later made it very clear to me that the relationship had been done for quite some time. The life I was living at the time had me feeling low constantly, and at the time I genuinely wondered if things would ever get better. This happened when the relationship ended and I moved out, and took my life back for myself. Never underestimate your own ability to improve things for yourself.
You don’t need closure from anyone to make things okay, you’re absolutely capable of doing so yourself. It’s your life, and your justification is all you need. This whole situation taught me never to settle for less than I want or deserve. People might not put in the effort just because you do. And things might not miraculously work out because you’ve worked at it for years. It takes mutual consistent effort, and two people who REALLY want it. That’s the difference between relationships that flourish, and those that fail.
Life goes on
No matter what happens, life is going to go on. It’s up to you to decide how it goes. If you want to sit around and dwell upon what could’ve been, you’re going to stay in the same place and not progress. But if you take your life in your hands and run with it, the opportunities for happiness are endless. Your life doesn’t end just because your relationship has. Mine was just beginning. I’ve achieved so much this year that it kind of makes my head spin. I also have a lot of plans for what I want to achieve next.
I’m not afraid to admit that my long-term relationship was holding me back, in every sense of the word. I couldn’t be more grateful for all of the wonderful opportunities that have come my way since. As well as everything that will continue to come my way. I feel like so much more of a “Yes” person now, I’m so much more willing and excited to do things I would’ve cowered away from in the past. But not anymore. My life is mine to do whatever I choose with, and I keep that mentality in mind every single day.
Moving on is possible
And one last thing… Life goes on, with other people. I’ve been in a new relationship for quite a while now, and I’m happier than I’ve been in a really long time. So if you’re in a long-term relationship and you’re not happy, please know that you’re under no obligation to stay. Don’t stay because of your history, or because you’re comfortable, or because it’s been so long that you might as well. And don’t stay in the hope that things will change – they might, but chances are, they won’t. Do not settle for anything less than happiness. It’s the least that you deserve.
Have you ended a long-term relationship? If so, what did you learn from it?