Life: An Update

rockette queen

An Update On My Life And What’s Been Happening Lately

I’m not going to beat around the bush here, I’ve been the worst blogger. Possibly ever. As if that wasn’t already obvious by the fact that I haven’t posted on here since August. The guilt I’ve been feeling over my complete abandonment of this little site that I love so much was gut-wrenching, if I’m honest. The longer I left it, the worse I felt, but the harder it seemed to return and make it right. This applies to a lot of the circumstances in my life lately, which is something that’s been hard to face. A lot has gone down recently and a lot of shit has hit the metaphorical fan.

I won’t lie, I’ve been struggling. Things have been shitty and sad and exponentially tough. But seeing as I’m sitting here typing this post, things are hopefully on the upswing for me. I have a lot of changes to make and work to do to get myself and my life where I want it to be. But if I put my mind to it, I really do believe that I can turn things around and make it better. It’s going to take some time and a lot of effort on my part, but it’s absolutely worth it.

There are several reasons why I’ve been lacking in motivation in almost every regard for the last while… This isn’t exactly something I wanted to speak about on here or on social media, but I really do feel a need to explain. Honesty is something that I treasure in the blogs that I read. So I believe that I should be setting the same example.

In September, I started a new job, split from my long-term partner, and moved out of our apartment and back home. All in the space of a week. It was one of the worst weekends I’ve had in a really long time. It seemed like there would be no end to the absolute maelstrom of emotions that were running wild. Feeling emotional like that is exhausting enough if it happens for one hour, let alone two days, which it was how it happened for me. It was a necessary evil though, as I came out of the worst of it and things improved when I went back to work the following Monday morning.

I’m really grateful for my job, because despite how everything happened all at once, it’s a blessing in disguise. I’m finally working in the industry that I’ve been dreaming about for years, and working a job that I love is exactly what I needed to get me back on my feet. Had I still been working in my old job, I’m not sure that I’d be in as good a place as I am now. Hence, I’m really quite happy with how things are going. Which is something I didn’t think I’d be able to say so soon considering my whole life essentially fell apart, so I’m grateful to be feeling as good as I do.

As for the split itself… I’m not detailing on this. I’m not the only person involved, so it’s not fair. But it just didn’t work. I truly believe that love is something you feel, but as time goes on, it becomes a choice. Everything you do in your relationship is a choice, which includes putting in the effort to make things work. And that’s where it failed. Different priorities, different needs, different wants. Sometimes, people do grow apart and just end up being too different and incompatible.

When you put your everything into something for years and it doesn’t work out, few things feel worse. I don’t view it as time wasted. It’s something I’ll learn from for the future. There were some really great times which I’ll really cherish forever, and it was a great learning curve too. If you learn a lesson from every single thing that you do, then you’re doing life right. So I’m grateful for all of it. Because there’s no point in being bitter about something that once made you really happy.

This experience taught me that you need to take time for you. To do what you love, and what makes you happy, for your own benefit. A little selfishness is a given every now and then. I’ve learned that putting someone else first all the time isn’t a way to live your life.

Your life is about you and striving for happiness your way. This helped me to get my drive back. Now I feel motivated to do that. And learn more. Mend the bridges that I’ve burned. Take more outfit photos. Be more daring in fashion, change my hair, be genuinely really happy. Not all of these things have to happen, but getting the motivation to make changes is a really great start.

I’ve already made some changes, I’ve been reading more, travelling more, seeing people more. I have some really wonderful people in my life who have made this transition so much easier. I consider myself so lucky to have them around. And to stop letting problems and things that have happened define me. The past is the past. But the present is mine and the future has so much potential for me to do whatever I want with. And that’s beautiful. I’m so happy that I can finally see that again.

What are your tips for getting things back on track? I’d love to chat about them below in the comments!

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